smile when there's no reason to
there's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week
and there's no promises of peace or of happiness
well is this why you cling to every little thing
and polverize and derrange all your senses
maybe life is a song but you're scared to song along
until the very ending
profile
Hello. My name is Alec.
Shift
"It started with a smile, and ended with a smile.."
The wishes I've made, the terrible things I've done.. things I have regretted. Looking back on this so called first 'love', I'll probably ask myself was it really love? I've completely evolved from an immature child to an understanding individual. From what I've seen, all I did when I started this was whine about stupid things. Now I can often let out my mind in here, be myself. Talk some truth once in awhile.
Maybe the obstacles I've gone through this year were the only reason that I found myself. Found who I really was. I'm more content than ever, I don't need to ask for more. I'm done being the pretentious little kid that I've grown into. It's a new start, new beginning.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008 @ 1:55 PM
Real
"Realizing the truth, means facing reality.."
I can't face anymore fakeness in life. It's really catching up to me, the lies, the truth, everything. I can't do anything to stop it. I've lied or schemed through things this passed year that I don't even know what's real anymore. I've lost my sense of reality, I'm drowning in lies. I want to change, for the better.. but the only way to do that is to forget what's happened in the past and face what's coming with the truth. From now on, no more lies.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 @ 5:15 PM
Raindrops
"Every raindrop that falls reminds me of you.."The remainder of the days I thought of you always led me to think that we'd somehow be together.
I'm not sure whether I really loved you, the way I thought I did, or maybe I just liked the idea of loving you, 'cause it made everything easier for me.. I was unhappy for so many reasons, when there's really nothing to be unhappy about. I'm selfish, and I know. I write this because for the first time, I want to face reality. Throughout this whole time, I have changed. I went from being a lovestruck teenager, to a raging shitface, to a regular human being. Who knows what I'll be in a year, two years all I know is that starting today.. I want to be true to myself, be me for once.
Friday, December 19, 2008 @ 12:42 PM
Function
"We're like a bicycle's wheels, neither one of us will be able to function without each other.."I have always believed that I wouldn't be able to live without your love, your touch, your lovely smile. But I thought wrong. I taught my heart to love, love so much that I wasn't even thinking of myself anymore. I knew love was a change, I embraced the change until I realized I was losing myself to the unkind difficulty of loving you. But that's all over.. now and forever.
Thursday, December 18, 2008 @ 9:09 PM
Decent
No more worries.
No more hatred.
No more loving you.
I'm tired of everything..
I just want to live a decent life.
I want to be happy, once again.
It's time to forget, time for that new start I've been longing for.
So I guess this is goodbye..
Saturday, December 13, 2008 @ 12:30 PM
Embrace
All I need is you.
Just you.
I'm afraid to admit it,
but I think I'm in love with you.
And I know it's too late..
way too late...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 @ 7:39 PM
Resentment
My day was filled with random hate. I couldn't stand being the one at fault. I almost bursted into a complete rage. I was unconditionally in love with her ways and I was completely struck into thinking I was the one who started this. I hid it well, or atleast I thought I did. So what am I complaining about, wasn't this what I wanted in the fist place.
I couldn't find anything wrong with her, her face was perfectly still and I got a 'whatever' glance. I was ready to talk, but she disappeared like I was just seeing a mirage. Her skin was no lighter than mine, compared to her I looked like a fluorescent light. I didn't think it would get to a point where I'd hate myself for resenting her, for a complete nothing. This was just another failed attempt to fix my broken soul, I want to feel whole again, and not scattered like she had made me feel. I have this compassion for her but I was too petrified to even go there. I just lost the chance of a lifetime, so now what?
Monday, December 8, 2008 @ 1:33 PM
Impasse
I dreamed of something that night. I saw a girl, no, a woman. She was trying to warn me. But the volume of her voice was no less than a whisper. What was it about? From what what my outlook of life, alot of things can go wrong. Overanalysis of things is what I've been always good at. And you ask why I have not much of a life. This was different from every other dream. I just knew it was different, from her unfamiliar hushly voice. All I saw from her was her long perfectly dark wavy hair, well from the back view of it. I was unable to speak, nor move, I was stuck. Just when I almost believed there was no escape, thinking this situation might've been an impasse, the sound of my irratating alarm clock woke me. That was the day I learned to love the sound, more like noise, of my beloved alarm clock.
I was afraid I wasn't going to ever wake. I was very much aware that these things happen, sleeping and next thing you know you're in a casket. I always was aware of every possibility of doing certain things, I tend to overthink. But it seems to work for me, just me. I never understood how my brain worked. I probably never will.
Sunday, December 7, 2008 @ 7:18 PM
Dissapperance
Memories, all of it.
It's all disappearing, slowly.
I'm finally getting over you.
I'm not as vulnerable around you, as before.
I just can't explain how glad I am..
Not because I regreted the feelings I had.
But 'cause I was able to be myself once again.
The lamesauce annoying old me.
Recovering from you wasn't easy..
It wasn't, trust me.
But I'm just happy for you and I..
'Us' just never existed. And I'm sincerely happy I finally did.
I hope you are too...
:)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008 @ 7:44 PM
music from the blog
patrick park - life is a song
gavin degraw - stay
kelly clarkson - one day
south - paint the silence
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