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smile when there's no reason to

there's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week
and there's no promises of peace or of happiness
well is this why you cling to every little thing
and polverize and derrange all your senses
maybe life is a song but you're scared to song along
until the very ending

profile

Hello. My name is Alec.

Keeps me busy..

Luckily this week is going by fast, being busy keeps me from thinking about this chaotic life of mine..
I enjoy drowning myself in work, homework, etc etc.,
I kinda like getting busy, I managed to not think about what I feel because I worry about the shitload of work I have to hand in by next week. Midterm is here, and I can not get any happier, halfway done the semester, which means bye bye Mathematics.. See you next year~
Yes, I hate it that much. :)

That said, I might not post 'til Thursday/Friday, planning on changing things up a bit..
Btw, thank you friends. You keep me sane.

If I didn't have people and shitload of work around me I'd probably go back to my emo days..
haha, such awkward times.. XD

Anyways, getting tired.
Have to go to sleep..
Test tomorrow. D:

Peace,

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 @ 8:49 PM

Even til' tomorrow

"When I heard the sound of crackling leaves, every memory flashed before my eyes as if everything just happened yesterday"

As much as I'd like to tell myself I've completely forgotten, I won't just because I'd be lying to myself.
It wasn't that hard to fall, to fall in the hands of someone you trusted, someone you trusted with your heart

I never seemed to open my eyes in the inconvenient truth, that 'we' will never exist.
The fact is I probably knew it all along but I just told myself what I wanted to hear..
I saw it coming, the sadness, the sorrow, everything.. but I just couldn't stop myself from believing.

If feelings were as easy to erase as a pencil mark, I probably would've done it along time ago
It's another one of those 'should've, could've, would've' things that has happened in the past,
if you actually saw everything coming before it actually happened, you would've changed things..

--

"I would rather much wait for her to come to me rather than coming to her, 'cause I'll know that she came back for me.."

Friday, October 24, 2008 @ 2:20 PM

The bitch of living

"Fatty foods, you're my bestfriend :)"

I can't keep going through this everyday, being the guy in background and never knowing if i'll ever be in the foreground.. Thus, a decision should be made:
-either try to forget
-or come clean and risk everything & get rejected, for sure.

not that easy is it?

Feeling like crap is my experty, with that being said you must be getting the glimpse of how crappy I feel everyday. I know I'm sounding pretty selfish talking about all this bullshit you probably don't even care about, so bare with me. Writing about all this helps relieve the shit-phase i'm going through... so if you're wondering why i'm doing this, then there you go.

Btw, just broke a virtue of mine. Trying not to say 'bad' words. :D
lol, atleast I'm not completely awful, I try to do good things at the least./

--

If you're wondering what would happen if I did tell her, I don't know either, and I guess we never will...

..,

Thursday, October 23, 2008 @ 8:16 PM

Just another day

I thought there was school today, I almost got dressed 'cause I thought I was gonna be late..

---

My day started out at noon -yes i'm a bum-, what can I say i like to sleep just like everyone.
I avoided thinking today, thinking about, thinking about tomorrow and thinking of her.
But seriously, I failed miserably.

On a side note, I managed to finish all my homework for the weekend.
I was forced, my math teacher turns into the hulk, you know..

I kinda have nothing to talk about today, my day was blank.
I did nothing but eat and sleep like the usual.
I don't even know what the usual is.
Everything is changing rapidly that I can never seem to catch on.

Change isn't really a good friend of mine. I hate change.
Well, just probably the bad change.
I exaggerated.
But everything has to change eventually, right?

..

[PS: last post was a mess, it sounded so unfinished. I wrote it at 2am, so forgive me XD]

Sunday, October 19, 2008 @ 6:20 PM

Thoughts and more thoughts

My life isn't really that complicated.
I have that daily routine going on just like all of you do.

On the side note I sometimes make up my own world/book idea while lying down in my bed,
while also imagining how things are going to turn out tomorrow.
Yes, like a retardo.

--

I'm kinda invisible, no one can probably see or notice me -unless i say 'hi', obviously- at school.
I can get through one whole day without talking to someone, -by the way I have friends I'm not a total psycho loner, you know..

Just trying to say that I don't rely on people to make me happy -until she came along.

She - she's one of the few people that can make me happy.
Or laugh for one thing.. I can talk to her about any random topic and make a 1-2 pages long of a conversation.
I feel that I can trust her with anything, and apparently even my heart.
[PS: I can be really cheesy sometimes, mostly when I talk about her.. so forgive me.]

I tried to avoid her once, didn't work quite well.
probably can't get through a day without seeing her face -on the days that she isn't there I feel like I'm losing something to look forward to through the day-

So this is getting pretty long, better end this before everyone falls asleep.

-- if you haven't noticed yet, this is a post that's mostly about her.. I probably make one once a week just to bore you all to tears C:

Saturday, October 18, 2008 @ 10:41 PM

One on one..

"I think of you every minute of every hour of everyday, and I've been meaning to tell you something.. and that's -"

Yeah, that's how i always imagined of how I would say it to her..
kinda lame huh? Which by the way I never told her.. yet.

I created this blog to express things, say things that well... I don't say usually.
It's not like anyone's gonna read this..

This first post is kinda an intro before I rant about random things that I..
hate, like and possibly love..

This kinda wraps up the introduction.. I will remain mysterious and anonymous.. -lol obviously-

[PS: Just so you all know or if you've missed the hints, I AM A GUY- probably the first time any guy has done this, so SHUT UP- and I can be illiterate alot of times so if there's any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, that's what I'm gonna be referring to.. :).]

@ 4:07 PM